part 2: to Fran about what I believe

There are lots of everyday things I believe. I am pretty sure the people I care about love me too. I am confident the world will be there when I wake up in the morning. The 'people are generally good' thing is problematic. I except most people want to be nice most of the time but this is pretty damn milk-toast. I guess I'm trying to explain my personal definition of rational humanism. Still, that's more of a hope than a belief.

After giving the subject more intense consideration than I have in years I come back to one thing; some of the things I believe are false. I am pretty sure that's true. And I think this is a valuable belief. We have to be open minded and be able to let go of ideas. At best we can tentatively accept a principal otherwise we are slaves to ideology. The universe is complex. We understand mostly through modeling and metaphor. We have to know that are models by definition are simplistic and leave out more than they capture.

There is also a point about determinism – the idea that if we knew enough about the universe and how it works we would be able to predict everything that happens forever. See I just don’t think we live in that kind of a universe. Here is an example – a pool table. If you knew the exact position of every ball, the exact size of every hole, every bump, splinter and speck of dust on the table – if you also knew exactly how much energy the ball will absorb when hit vs. how much energy it would carry away. Then if you knew precisely the strength and direction of the stroke, you would be able to calculate the resting position of all the balls after the break. That’s determinism. There are two things about the universe we live in that make the pool table metaphor impossible. One is Chaos theory - you know, the ‘butterfly effect’? The idea is that very tiny differences in initial conditions can make a very large difference in how things turn out. And speaking of tiny differences, that brings me to point two – quantum physics. See, it’s all about the quantum. Ahem. Specifically the Uncertainty Principal. This principal is about the limit of what we can know regarding the location of a particle and how it is moving. It’s not about measuring particles well it is but bear with me: it is about the fundamental limits of the know-ability of the universe. Basically, if we know anything about the speed of a particle that limits what we know about its position.

So at its most granular level, there is no certainty. Chaos theory says even the smallest cause eventually has macro effects.
So ironically, that is the only thing metaphysical thing I am sure of.

part 1: to Fran after narrowly skirting the whole atheist topic (again)

Thank you for pulling back from telling me what I believe last weekend.  You obviously know how annoying that is.  We don't get into this discussion very often so it may be hard for you to know exactly what I really do believe.  First, I am not by any stretch an agnostic.  Let go of that.  I never wonder anymore if there is a God - that was me in High School.  When I say I wish I could believe or I wish God did exist, that is exactly what I mean.  The idea of someone out there watching out for us and the whole footprints in the sand thing is sweet.  And of course, some kind of afterlife - any kind would do.  On the other hand, the world is a pretty messed up place for a lot of people so maybe the idea of a creator is a really horrible thought. 

But no, I don't buy it.  It's not just that there isn't any proof or that the arguments people make are so ridiculous.  It really just doesn't make any sense.  We live in a cosmos ruled by entropy.  There is nothing sustaining the world, everything is sliding down hill.  It's not proof and the eschatolon is a part of christian theology but it suggests to me that stuff just happens, no plan, no guidance: things just are.

Any kind of supernaturalism irritates me - as you know.  So, why?  Was I traumatized by the Easter bunny as a kid?  Am I still angry at my father and reject his calling?  I don't know for sure - not about the Easter bunny but about my Dad.  I remember loosing my belief gradually and being very involved in the church right up to the end. 

I want to believe people are good.  But let me explain what I mean by good.  Clearly this is not about 'pleasing unto God.'  I don't think good is an eternal objective abstract metaphysical etc. verity, I think it is a very concrete behavior pattern coming from a specific evolutionary effect.  Early in human history we fought for the remains of large kills.  Chimps stayed in the forest to hide from large carnivores while our ancestors went out among them.  Tools were important but almost secondary to our ability to act in a group.  This is how early humans stayed safe and got the high energy food they needed to be active and feed large brains.  Acting in a group required us to anticipate each other's actions often quickly and with little communication. How?  You know what I think, object relations. 

We have little people in our heads.  Forget about how they got there and all that, bottom line is when we want to know how someone is going to act a tiny part of us identifies as the other and tells us.

So life, in our heads, really is but a stage.  Good is objective in the sense that it can only be judged by someone else - we are responding to the chorus, either the majority or the loudest voice but it is entirely ourself.  When we perceive someone else is in need or in pain it is a part of ourselves we are perceiving. We act in a manner that moves us away from pain and towards the satification of drives.